


Acidic

by smooth



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Light Masochism, Love/Hate, Mental Breakdown, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 17:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2476097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smooth/pseuds/smooth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She kind of misses the moronic redheads, always barging in the room without being invited and attacking her verbally or physically (or both) more often than not. </p><p>(Or Carmilla and Danny being stupid enough to think they can fix each other.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acidic

**Author's Note:**

> idk if the 'major character death' warning should be here. ok, whatever, there are other triggers such as the listed above plus mentions of blood and violence. this is super angsty. don't hate me.
> 
> (9/11 update: I put LaF's proper pronouns. If you're a writer, so should you. Just saying.)

She’s spent about one third of her life starving so she should probably appreciate every meal she gets but a vampire can’t survive for long on just human food. Also the only edible thing in the room are already stale chocolate chip cookies and she's promised herself she wouldn’t eat those even if they were the last food resource left in the building. 

 

It’s day seventeen and nobody comes and she’s had about three seizures, feeling more and more decrepit after each one. But fuck if she ever goes hunting again. Ever.

 

She kind of misses the moronic redheads, always barging in the room without being invited and attacking her verbally or physically (or both) more often than not. Or she would miss them, maybe, if her brain had enough energy to think coherent thoughts.

 

On day eighteen the Bean Stalk enters the dorm. She stops at the threshold, ridiculously unsure unlike the cheeky wannabe superheroine she was only a few weeks ago, practically dislodging the door hinges while coming in.

 

The two of them stare at each other for good two minutes before Carmilla opens her mouth and says the most idiotic thing ever.

 

“You haven’t been eating.”

 

The ghost of a scoff appears on the redhead’s face. “You’re one to talk,” she mumbles, fingers mindlessly rubbing her more than usual protruding cheekbone.

 

The vampire doesn’t even have the strength to think of a response, those four words being her daily energy expense. She just leans her head back on the wall and waits for Danny to do whatever she’s come for.

 

Maybe finish her off if Carmilla’s lucky.

 

Danny closes the door and drags her feet to Carmilla’s bed, eyes horrifyingly hazy despite their bright color, like there’s a constant fog blurring her pupils. All of her is kind of blurred but maybe it’s just Carmilla’s vision playing tricks on her.

 

“You didn’t mention she could control people’s minds.”

 

The dark-haired girl takes in the entirety of 6’2 that is Danny, shoulders slouched and previously tight shirt hanging loosely around her frame. There is a fresh bruise just below her left eye and an almost healed split lip.

 

“She can do whatever she pleases. Specify.”

 

Danny makes a vague movement with her bony shoulder, winces and immediately tries to hide it. Like Carmilla would ever comment on it.

 

“It’s nothing.”

 

Slight irritation bubbles somewhere inside Carmilla. And she’d thought there wasn’t anything left to spark a reaction inside her.

 

“Yeah, right.”

 

Danny does the shrug-y thing again but when she speaks, her voice is at least two octaves lower. “She made LaFontaine hurt Perry. And when I tried to stop them, they hurt me instead.”

 

Something insipid and ashy scratches the inside of Carmilla’s throat. Danny probably reads it on her face because she sits down and asks, “How long haven’t you eaten?”

 

The vampire rolls her eyes. “You know how long.”

 

Danny just observes her indifferently for a couple of moments then nods “Good,” and rolls up her sleeve.

 

Carmilla’s whole body tenses and she can feel her eyes widen because even though her senses are so dulled she can barely smell the other girl, the message is crystal clear to her.

 

“Are you out of your mind?” She asks as scornfully as she can.

 

Danny responds by sinking her own teeth in her wrist so violently she actually rips her skin and shoving it into Carmilla’s mouth.

 

\--

 

The war had begun long before Laura and her brainless buddies were even born but Carmilla didn't actually expect they would take part in it so-

 

(“foolishly,” Carmilla would say.)

 

(“courageously,” Danny would correct her.)

 

She had warned them so many times – they couldn’t stand a chance against Mother who has struck down entire kingdoms of both humans and supernatural creatures. A handful of _courageous_ college undergrads with garlic strings and a little too easily breakable bones wouldn’t even be worth her intervention on a normal day.

 

Carmilla’s got to hand it to her though - she did make a show of this one; it was the prodigal daughter’s personal punishment. The same method she’d used with Ell, Carmilla’s first love, but not any less effective.

 

Laura died a painful death with Carmilla kicking and punching and screaming until her throat bled. And not being able to do a single thing about it.

 

After that a few college students found out just what kind of a school they were attending. Mother had messed around with the memories of some of them, just for the fun of it; the majority didn’t need much persuading into keeping their mouths shut. Yeah, sure, go tell the world what you saw. Call the police or your parents, or both.

 

They can come collect your body parts, scattered in different parts of the campus.

 

The silly little team of redheads and misguided boys wanting to be heroes suffered the most – all of them suddenly becoming the Dean’s favorites and thus spending quite a lot of time in her office. Nobody questioned the scratches and swellings because boys will be boys and the Summer Society are all cray cray wandering the forests and stuff, and that bio freak LaFontaine’s experiments always blow up in their face anyway.

 

Laura’s father almost had a mental collapse after being informed his daughter had fallen out a window, breaking her neck _(At least it was a quick death, sir, she didn’t suffer at all)_ and Will personally accompanied him on his way back to the quiet small town where Laura had grown up.

 

And Carmilla… moved from her bed to Laura’s, face deep into her pillow (Laura’s father had taken the yellow one with him), and since then spending her time vegetating and hoping someone would stop sometime soon and kill her once and forever.

 

After all one has only so many chances to die.

 

\--

 

On day thirty Danny moves in her dorm.

 

Just like that, without a warning, the same way Carmilla had moved into Laura's in Betty’s place. She’s been coming once a day to bring Carmilla food, either in a cup or directly from herself. The vampire had protested at first or more accurately simply turned her head to a side, trying to avoid the tempting smell.

 

And then Danny slapped her.

 

It was the funniest thing that had ever happened to Carmilla and she tried to make a point of it by laughing harshly. And Danny slapped her again and it wasn’t that funny anymore.

 

So the redhead just calmly walks in, a blossoming wound on her cheek, pulling a suitcase behind her. Carmilla actually looks away from a crack on the ceiling in order to look at her.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Danny raises an eyebrow as her suitcase falls on the ground with a heavy thud.

 

“What does it look like to you? I’m moving in,” She answers evenly.

 

Carmilla doesn’t say anything but she can feel an abrupt wave of hysteria overwhelming her senses after a month of hibernation. She’s not sure what exactly happens but next thing she’s aware of, she’s trashing the room, papers and blankets and empty food wraps she didn’t even know were there until now flying everywhere, and there are some inhuman (and even un-vampire) noises coming out of her mouth, and there’s a void in her chest that hurts too much and emptiness isn’t supposed to hurt but it does and she can’t stop it and-

 

Two lanky hands grab her from behind in a by no means gentle grip and Carmilla should be stronger than some snotty twenty something year old brat but she’s even more malnourished than Danny. Sobs wreck her body and her tossing becomes weaker while the other girl’s grasp somehow becomes stronger.

 

 _Vampires don’t cry,_ she thinks to herself and she completely loses it.

 

\--

 

She’s never felt more human. In all three hundred thirty-four years of her life she’s never had such a pathetic downfall (or nervous breakdowns as Danny calls them). She’s used to losing, especially to her Mother, but actually not having control over her body _and_ mind is a whole new level of pitiful.

 

Danny always holds her tightly, probably because she doesn’t know what else to do, and it helps, kinda. Or maybe she does know what she’s doing and being immobilized is simply the right way to calm Carmilla down.

 

The worst thing, though, is that not only does she become physically dependent on some stupid human girl but after some time (she should’ve realized it sooner, really) it becomes obvious Danny can’t function properly if Carmilla hasn’t fed off her. She gets all jumpy and irascible, starts pacing around and trembling, her face covers in odd red spots like she’s about to have a panic attack. She actually does a couple of times after Carmilla’s decision to resume going to some classes. The vampire finds her almost unconscious on the floor, eyes big and glossy, and only after drinking off her (to clear the bad blood, is the stupid thought that passes through her brain) does Danny’s breathing slowly go back to normal.

 

\--

 

“You do realize this is in no way a healthy thing, right?”

 

Danny slowly looks up from _Mein Kampf_ and shrugs, “Well, I know he was a tyrant and a murderer but it’s obligatory literature-”

 

“I’m not talking about your book,” Carmilla interrupts her irritably. “This is about you and me.”

 

Danny gazes at her then goes back to reading, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“I’m talking about me acting like a lunatic and you having strokes when I don’t drain about half the blood in your body on a daily basis.”

 

The redhead lowers the book slowly, something fierce and almost dangerous shining in her eyes. “I do _not_ have strokes, I’m completely fine.”

 

“Of course you are, sugar bear,” Both of them momentarily freeze at the nickname (it's not one of Carmilla's typical ones for her, it actually resembles-). When Carmilla speaks again, her voice doesn’t betray any emotion. “Need I remind you of the times I’ve found you almost dead on the floor?”

 

Danny flinches, bites her lip so hard she draws blood and her tone’s full of venom when she replies, “Don’t act like you’re not twice as dependent on this whole thing. You wouldn’t survive a day without me.”

 

Carmilla actually jumps up from the bed because _this_. _little. brat._ “I just acknowledged the fact both of us have some issues. Let’s not forget though that while I’m looking for comfort, you’re seeking pain which is a whole new level of messed up.”

 

Hitler’s autobiography flies across the room, missing the vampire’s head by an inch, and hits the wall. “If you think about it, it’s unbelievably audacious of you to actually look for comfort given this is all your fault,” Danny almost yells in her face.

 

“Excuse me? My fault how exactly?”

 

“Well, last time I checked the Dean is not my mother!”

 

Oh, that was such a low blow. “I have nothing to do with this, I am not her!”

 

“Aren’t you?” Danny hisses in her face, something animalistic twisting her features and voice. “Who’s been delivering innocent girls to her for centuries?”

 

“I didn’t know any better!” Carmilla grabs her collar.

 

“You still don’t! People are still suffering because of your mother!”

 

“This is _not_ my fault, Danny-”

 

Danny’s face is the same color as her hair when she roars back, “Like Laura’s death wasn’t, right?!”

 

Carmilla’s hand, gripping her collar, lowers slightly before her fingers tighten in a fist and her lips reveal her bared fangs, already sharp and ready to tear apart. In a blink of the eye Danny finds herself pressed against the wall, a furious vampire’s teeth inches from her throat.

 

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that!” Carmilla growls and Danny’s stomach clenches so tight she gets the urge to vomit and suddenly her abdomen is on fire and her throat gets all scratchy and dry and oh god, Carmilla was right, oh god.

 

The vampire’s face shifts after catching the scent and she pulls away a little, conflicted. One of her teeth has split her lower lip and there’s some blood on it and Danny actually has to clamp her thighs together because shitshitshit.

 

And then Carmilla’s teeth are on her neck.

 

The moan vibrates through Danny’s whole body; the other girl’s nails sink into her forearm, partly to cause her pain, partly to simply balance herself on her tiptoes, and her tongue laps greedily on Danny’s neck and it’s the single most painful thing in the world.

 

Danny almost comes right then and there.

 

Carmilla pulls back sharply and her mouth and chin are dripping with blood, Danny’s blood, and when she kisses her, it feels like an attempt to devour each other. One of the bites is so strong Danny has the feeling it will actually leave a hole in her lip. Obviously a similar thought passes through Carmilla’s mind because she draws back all of a sudden and just stares at Danny like she’s never seen her before. Her pupils have overtaken nearly her whole iris so Danny’s obviously not the only one aroused by all this but the vampire doesn’t try to kiss her again and it dawns on the redhead.

 

Just how damaged she exactly is. How damaged both of them are.

 

\--

 

On day fifty-nine Danny moves out her dorm.

 

Just like that, without a warning, the way Ell’s heart had been crushed to dust in her Mother’s hand, the way Laura’s last scream had hitched in her throat followed only by the heavy thump of her body on the floor.

 

But Danny isn’t Ell nor is she Laura, she isn’t gentle and caring, she isn’t quirky and overly-enthusiastic, and there’s no place in Carmilla’s heart for her.

 

And that same night when she has a hysterical fit (because that's what it is, no matter how Danny tries to sugarcoat it), she doesn’t scream her name to sleep.

 


End file.
